Ogden Nash

Middle age is when you’ve met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.
Ogden Nash

Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive.
Ogden Nash

Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them.
Ogden Nash

I have an idea that the phrase ‘weaker sex’ was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm.
Ogden Nash

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.
Ogden Nash

Certainly there are things in life that money can’t buy, but it’s very funny – Did you ever try buying then without money?
Ogden Nash

Do you think my mind is maturing late, or simply rotted early?
Ogden Nash

One man’s remorse is another man’s reminiscence.
Ogden Nash

I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons.
Ogden Nash

Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long.
Ogden Nash

Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.
Ogden Nash

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.
Ogden Nash

Too clever is dumb.
Ogden Nash

If you don’t want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won’t have to work.
Ogden Nash

Women would rather be right than reasonable.
Ogden Nash

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
Ogden Nash

Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you.
Ogden Nash

There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all.
Ogden Nash

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.
Ogden Nash

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.
Ogden Nash

Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.
Ogden Nash

Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind.
Ogden Nash

Door: What a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
Ogden Nash

Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is.
Ogden Nash

People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven’t what they want that they really don’t want it.
Ogden Nash

Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn’t it, of a long line of proven criminals?
Ogden Nash

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.
Ogden Nash