Devote Your Life to Money
Oh, money, the life-giving juice of society!
It brings us its blessings of every variety,
It softens the blows that lifetime delivers,
It favors the brave and it crowns achievers.
It renders us free from oppression by jerks,
From mockings, and putdowns, and scoldings,and smirks.
It lets us buy tickets and travel away
From where we're not welcome but are forced to just stay.
From creditors' letters and big ugly urbs,
From all that don't matter, from stuff that disturbs,
To wide sandy beaches and azure blue waters,
Away from the smoke of ten million motors.
With money it all starts to fall into place-
No longer respect is what you have to chase.
It follows you like an afternoon shadow
Thank money, it makes you a prince from a padow.
With money, all people will treat you much better,
As you are no longer society's debtor.
Sweet smiles on you they will now bestow,
Obsequious looks in their eyes then will glow.
And women forgetting your age and your weight,
Your looks and your height and your bald, shining pate,
Will wink and remark how handsome you are
For, in their minds, you are now a star.
Oh, how pathetic society is!
A "Miss" is now where there used to be "Ms."
For quickly they learned that you've got all this dough,
And then they appear from above and below.
For freedom, for joy and enjoyment of senses,
Don't waste precious time chasing empty pretenses.
Just line up your pockets with luscious green money
And soon you'll be hugging a cute Playboy bunny.
As long as you're here on our green Earth,
And want to be living in freedom and mirth,
Devote your existence to dollar and pound
For cash makes the world go smoothly around.